Mr. Grumpy Pants - Ashen Snow S1E18

Mr. Grumpy Pants - Ashen Snow S1E18

Pete/GM: Patient record, 98 A5, aim
redacted, 25th, Kithona, 4722AR,

exhibit 10, liminal obsession,
physical transference of manifested

delusion, examiner's note, This is
yet another script matrim transcript

from an original audio record
stored in a sort of arcane crystal.

See record 77 G14A for notes on
this phenomenon and its applications

elsewhere in this investigation.

Normally, transcribing the
crystal's contents to page would

be the work of an assistant.

But the subject matter uncovered in this
interview of is of such alarming nature

that the contents of the record would very
likely induce a panic in the populace,

thus calls for the utmost security.

Welcome to Ash and Snow.

We did it!


We made it to the next episode.


Chris/Vin: wanted to follow
up on the hair thing?

Pete/GM: I wanted more about the
hair thing, not cognitohazards.

Archedas/Varren: Heh heh heh.

Or memetic hazards, what, we
really are just going down

the SCP route at this point.

Pete/GM: Yeah.

Archedas/Varren: Yes.

Pete/GM: Well the bit about the hair,
it says, The document stops, a large

section having been painstakingly cut
out and replaced with another piece

of paper, pasted from the back side
of the document, that at a cursory

review it would seem to be merely fake.

We'll never know what happened
with the crumbled hair.

That's the new question.

Archedas/Varren: Like, we're gonna get
out of here, we're gonna get back to

Seven Arches, and we're gonna figure
out what happened with the hare.

Misfit/Mia: That sounds like a plan.

I'm just glad we didn't die.

Chris/Vin: Can I tell you what I, I was
brainstorming a plan if we did die, what

we would do for this, uh, for this game.

I was gonna

Misfit/Mia: come back as a leshy.

Aubrey/Freya: I was, I
was gonna make a cleric.

I was just gonna make a war cleric.

You know, fuck it.

Pete/GM: I'm tired of dying, stop.

Aubrey/Freya: Yeah.

Chris/Vin: Only take

Pete/GM: heal.

Misfit/Mia: Yeah, I
was gonna go full heal.

Chris/Vin: I thought it would be really
funny if, uh, we all TPK'd, and then we

like, woke up in Bloodlord's, uh, Jeb,

Misfit/Mia: and

Chris/Vin: just ran a Jeb campaign.

It's like, well, we're
changing APs, now we're undead.

Archedas/Varren: We all die and
decide, you know what, no, we're

not dead, we're circus people
now, and we start doing Extinction

Chris/Vin: Curse.

Extinction, undead extinction.

Pete/GM: Exactly.

You guys can't die.

I haven't had Enough fun
playing with you yet.

We return to Kanipo's throne room,
now absent of its previous ruler.

The party is wounded, but
still alive, as they encounter

a new creature, Hubert Hedge.

Well, uh, alright you smoothies,
uh, I think it's time to,

uh, get me out of here.

What do you say?

Archedas/Varren: Scandid.

Glance over at talking hedgehog,
look down at the very broken

body of pretty much everybody.

Uh, well I think only Vin and
Baron didn't go down in that fight.

I'm just gonna raise a finger to the
cage, a moment, and I'm just gonna slump

back against the wall and slide down.

When we do anything
else, I need a breather.

Aubrey/Freya: Yeah, I'm
gonna lay horizontal

Archedas/Varren: on the ground for a bit.

Misfit/Mia: Uh, Mia, like, just
walks in the middle of both of them.

Kinda does some lovely little heals.

Aubrey/Freya: How much HP do we heal?

Misfit/Mia: Uh, let me actually
do the heal spell and I will

tell you how much HP you heal.

I feel like I should still cast it.

Archedas/Varren: Yeah, we'd
still lose the spell slot.

That's okay.

I think it's just a d8 for everybody.

I believe it's a d8.

Pete/GM: So everyone go ahead
and roll a d8 for yourself.


Archedas/Varren: Alright,
seven health to everybody.

Aubrey/Freya: Yay!


Chris/Vin: gonna go up to this
cage as everyone takes a breath.

Pete/GM: So,

Chris/Vin: who are you?

Pete/GM: The name's Hubert Hedge.

And, uh, don't mistake me for
just any old, uh, hedgehog.

I am one of the Fae.

Archedas/Varren: Just kind of glance
up from where Varian is sitting.

One, I don't have time to write right now,
I'm busy putting my blood back in my body.

Two, wow, a Fae in the
first world, how shocking.

And just lowers his head back down.

Chris/Vin: Ig ignore him, he's, he's hurt.

How do I get you out of here?

Is there like a key, or
a, I don't know, a button?

A le a lever?

Pete/GM: It's just a small birdcage,
you could Probably force it open.

Chris/Vin: Alright, stand back.

Uh, using my weapon for leverage.

We will force open!

Twenty five.


Pete/GM: five.

You snap the latch off of the birdcage.

It opens up and Hubert hops out.

Chris/Vin: How big is Hubert?

Pete/GM: Hubert is small.

Kind of a little bit bigger
than a normal hedgehog.

But not by a whole lot.

He could.

You can't easily stand in the
palm of one of your hands.

Maybe not Mia's,

Misfit/Mia: but I don't know, are we
talking Mia human form or Mia fox form?

Pete/GM: Either?

Misfit/Mia: Fair enough.

Pete/GM: So he says, Alright,
well, I know you all want to

rest, but here's the thing.

When Kniepo welcomed you home, and
he does air quotes, You know that

portal you came through to get here?

Only Kniepo can make those.

Without them, I don't know of any way
to get you back to your real home, and

you can't exactly walk out, either.

The Thin Lands is stable enough,
but beyond them is Nightholm.

A shadow storm, so that place
will scour you dead, assuming

the Enkos don't get you first.

I'm, uh, sorry, but I think
you're well and truly spiked.

Aubrey/Freya: I think there was a
part of us that knew it could quite

possibly be a one way trip, so

Misfit/Mia: I'm, I'm actually pretty
sure that we talked about that

before we stepped through the gate.

Aubrey/Freya: Pretty sure we did, yeah.

Archedas/Varren: We'll
figure out a way back.

The Fae are deal worthy enough.

They might cost us a name or a firstborn
child, but we'll figure a way out.

Misfit/Mia: Some crazy ghost
lady tried to murder us earlier.

I don't think she was ready
to make a deal with nobody.

Aubrey/Freya: And we also
have to find the right Fae.

Pete/GM: As you're saying that,
Viren, you can feel from the pouch

in your where you put the key that
There's a slight pressure to it.

Archedas/Varren: He's gonna try
to lean his head away a moment.

I need a moment to think.

I'm going to be over here.

He's gonna put himself away a little
bit, reach into the coat, pull out

this little key thing that they found
when Kniepo just kind of vanished.

Just kind of give it a look over.

Pete/GM: As you're looking it over, uh,
holding it like a little bracelet, you

can see that the key is moving slightly,
as though Uh, being tugged in a light

breeze, going in the same direction.

Archedas/Varren: This kind of
takes note of it for a moment.

Varan is in no rush to move currently.

There is one entryway to this room, and
he can keep an eye on it until he feels

like he has blood in his legs again.

Chris/Vin: I'm gonna keep, uh,
talking to this hedgehog, though.

So, how'd you get here?


Pete/GM: well, you know.

Just, uh, exploring a bit
more of the First World.

It changes all the time.

Got a little too close to here, saw a
big log, but hey, that's pretty cool.

I should check that out.

Uh, lo and behold though,
that's Occupy by, uh, Kimipo.

I've been here for, uh, plus count.

Time works a little differently here,
but I think it's at least been a couple

months, maybe years, maybe decades.

Who's to say?

Chris/Vin: Oh, you want something to eat?

I got some fruit.

Pete/GM: Oh yeah, for sure.

Chris/Vin: Oh, here you go.

Uh, do you think you can,
like, lead us out of here?

Getting in in here was confusing.

We got split by going the same direction.

Archedas/Varren: If that's
the case, then getting out of

here is going to be a problem.

I'm just kind of chiming in from a
distance, very clearly listening in.

At least if everything still works the
same way Kanipo left it when he missed it.

If it is that way, then, well, I
guess we'll be wandering for a while,

unless we find some guide and just
kind of Looks at the key for a moment.

This was supposed to be tied
back to the arches, wasn't it?

That was what Bolin directed,
why he gathered it in the first

Aubrey/Freya: place.

I believe so, yeah.

Gonna poke around, just sort
of like anywhere else here.

See if the bed or whatever.

See if, see if, you know, Kanipo left us
any nice loot beyond, uh, just the key.

Misfit/Mia: Mia definitely goes like,
sniffing around and occasionally just

like, bumping her head on things.

Pete/GM: Unfortunately, the only
thing that you find in this room

is the key, the Shade Wither Key.

Chris/Vin: That's

Pete/GM: unfortunate.

Chris/Vin: Continuing talking to his
Hedgehog after Varen makes his comment.

It's like, well, can
you get us out of here?

Can you take us to anywhere?



I mean,

Pete/GM: I don't know.

I, uh, I got in here.

Obviously, I haven't
gotten out in a long time.

So, uh, I don't know.

Odds are just as bad.

Good that you guys can take
me out of here, which is kind

of what I was hoping for.

Chris/Vin: So you, you've
just been in the cage.

Pete/GM: Oh yeah.


Chris/Vin: haven't been out?

How are your legs feeling?

Pete/GM: Oh, they're pretty stiff.

But, uh, you know, I did a
couple of laps around the cage.

Like, uh, a hundred thousand or so.

And it keeps me nice and limber.

He, uh, does a couple of foot stretches.

Putting his hands up and
then touching his toes.

Kind of rolling into a little
spiky ball while he does it.

Chris/Vin: Well, you can stay on my
shoulder then, when we're walking,

if you feel like you can't walk.

Pete/GM: Oh yeah, sure, and
those flames on your head, they,

uh, they real or decoration?

Chris/Vin: Uh, they're real, but
they're, they go up, not out.


Pete/GM: just make sure
not to burn me, okay?

Chris/Vin: Okay.

Put a lot

Pete/GM: of work into these quills, making
sure they're nice and sharp and shiny.

Chris/Vin: Alright.

Pete/GM: Are

Chris/Vin: you guys ready to move out?

Archedas/Varren: Uh, I believe so.

I'm just taking a kind of step
towards the way that they came in

and just briefly under his breath.

Yeah, flames are what we have to worry
about, not choking each other out.

Chris/Vin: Say that out loud
enough to, for everyone to hear?

Archedas/Varren: I think
you know what I said, Vin.

Chris/Vin: That was, okay.

Oh, he's in a bad mood.

Not really sure why right now.

Pete/GM: So, one of you
going through the open door?

Or, through the doors to the throne room?

If it's the only way

Archedas/Varren: out.

Yeah, Varon will just
start walking that way.

Seeming as the only real
place we can go in here.

Just kind of keeping an eye down on this
thing that's hanging around his wrist now.

Pete/GM: You open up the door
and see the insides of a tree.

Rather than the liminal halls that you
all have been stuck in for a long time.

It has enough space for people
to walk around through, but it

is There's Twisted, and gnarled,
and uh, not terribly inviting.

But you are able to see light, or at least
what passes for light in the Shadowlands.

A little distance off from it.

Misfit/Mia: Mia just sniffs.

Can't like, see anything.

Not really, it's just darker.


The normal.

But she does give, like, a good sniff
and tries to listen with all the senses.

Okay, give me a perception check.

Boop a doop a doop a doop a doop a doop.

Pete/GM: 16!

A 16.

That is enough so that you can
remember the kind of musty smell

of the outside of the Shadowlands.

Misfit/Mia: Just like, it smells shadowy.

Pete/GM: Which is to say, a very distinct
smell from the rest of the world.

Archedas/Varren: Well, nowhere
to go but forward, I suppose,

and continue as we are.

Just kind of look down at this
thing to see if it's still

moving in some direction.

Pete/GM: It is.

As you flamber through the rest of the
Gnarled Tree, and finally get out into the

Shadowlands, the colors are muted again.

A true All of that black and white
and grey, the key that you're

holding starts to glow green.

You can see that it is tugging in a very
insistent way, defying gravity, and at

just a, a slight angle as you hold it
from the, uh, from the necklace part.

Are you doing that, Varan?

Archedas/Varren: I'm just holding it.

This is doing it itself.

Misfit/Mia: What's doing what?

Archedas/Varren: Like, look before
he moves to make sure Freya is not,

like, in the direction he's turning.

Whatever this thing is supposed
to do, it seems to have some

either latent magic, a mind of its
own, direction, I'm not certain.

It keeps moving in the same way.

Like a pendulum, as if it's
just shifting one direction.


Aubrey/Freya: they make any kind of arcana
check to maybe understand this item?

Sure, certainly.

Nope, that's an 11.

I probably don't.

Pete/GM: I mean it's, this is magic.

Exactly what's going on
though, you're not sure.

Aubrey/Freya: Hmm, yes, it's magic.

Archedas/Varren: It's hard for
Freya because Baron is very much

just insisted that you not get
within like, 5 feet of this thing.

You're just kind of looking at, you
know, something that's the size of his

palm, just like, at 5 foot distance.

Misfit/Mia: Do you have
it like, hanging low?

Archedas/Varren: He's got it like,
very tightly, like, able to control

it in his grasp, just enough
where it's like, hanging down.

Misfit/Mia: That's good, cause
Mia totally would've liked it.

Pete/GM: I mean, whichever direction
that is, I'm sure that's better

than where we are right now.

Chris/Vin: You

Pete/GM: certain about that?

Wow, that is Not too many scenic
places here in the Shadowlands.

Misfit/Mia: Hey, hey friend, uh, I was
just wondering, how did you, why did,

why did Knievel put you in a cage?

Why were you in a cage?

Archedas/Varren: Because he's a mad freak.

Misfit/Mia: Okay, well, besides that,

Pete/GM: Mr.

Grumpy Boy.

I don't know, maybe he just
needed someone to talk to.

I mean, he certainly
wouldn't shut up about you.

Misfit/Mia: I don't need to hear that.

Hey, thanks.

Chris/Vin: I mean, is
that his only obsession?

You have others?

Archedas/Varren: Creating
his own race, just like him.

Pete/GM: Yeah, never had a family,
or uh, even like a species.

Which, like, you know, lots of fae are
very different, but you can usually

categorize yourself in certain circles.

Complained a lot about that.

Wanted to uh, you know, end
the entire race of elves.

And then uh, once you came around,
Mia, he uh, kinda sensed ya.

And figured what he could do with

Misfit/Mia: ya.

She just like, sits and
makes the frumpiest face.

Like, I don't understand what that means.

Archedas/Varren: He had some
process, I'm not entirely sure what.

It all seemed to be using your
blindness to blind the world,

casting it into eternal darkness,
making it into his domain.

Thus making him capable of spreading
the Nubliate Curse and destroying

whatever race he so choose.

Misfit/Mia: Except my blindness
allows me to bring light.

I don't know, I think this
guy's just a little crazy.

Archedas/Varren: Well, he's a little bit
non existent anymore, so Doesn't matter.

Pete/GM: And crazy's just touching
the surface of what Kniepo is.

Or was, I suppose.

Archedas/Varren: Just kind of
glance over at him as he says

that, and just glare briefly.

Misfit/Mia: Mia has

Archedas/Varren: just

Misfit/Mia: got a feeling that
Kniepo's not She doesn't believe it.

Chris/Vin: Well Follow the key for now.

It's our only lead.

Archedas/Varren: It's that or try and
wander through the halls again, and I'm

not exactly in the mood for wandering.

Aubrey/Freya: I can tell.

I promise I won't touch it.

Archedas/Varren: I'll take the lead.

I'm the least currently beaten.

Uh, well, I'll

Chris/Vin: take the lead then.

You should chill, just I have the key.

Then how will you know where to go?

I'll take the key.

It'll lead us the same direction.

Archedas/Varren: No, you will not.


Chris/Vin: Why?

Archedas/Varren: The strange artifact
remains in the hands of the ones that

actually care about our mission here.

Chris/Vin: I care about leaving.

Archedas/Varren: Great,
then you can follow me.

Misfit/Mia: Let's just
get out of here, okay?

Mia just starts walking.

You're being,

Chris/Vin: you're being irrational,
Varan, which is funny, in my opinion.


Misfit/Mia: just Mia's just walking.

Fuck this, I'm out.

Aubrey/Freya: I will follow Mia.

Misfit/Mia: She has no
idea where she's walking.

He is basically blind right now.

He just

Archedas/Varren: starts, all the
way, and just starts heading off.

Chris/Vin: I wasn't the one near death.

You have a ranged weapon, let me go first.

The key.


You're being irrational.

You want to work as a team,
then work as a damn team.

Archedas/Varren: He just starts
walking off, just following

the direction of the key.

Aubrey/Freya: Yeah, in the
background, it's just like,

it's like I never left Atari.

I'm back in the fishery,
with my two sisters.


Chris/Vin: Baron, get your head out
of your ass, and do the smart thing.

Archedas/Varren: I am, called not
giving the person with something he

doesn't want to admit being inside
of him an artifact of this power.

Chris/Vin: You are a man with no
memories with an artifact of power.

We all have bad situation.

Archedas/Varren: Great, and let's
make it slightly better by leaving.

Misfit/Mia: Walks into another wall.

Archedas/Varren: She's hurt enough,
we don't need a broken nose too.

Come on Mia, let's, let's,

Aubrey/Freya: let's
travel in my pack for now.

Chris/Vin: All three of
you guys were nearly dead.

I, I, respectfully, I'm
the fittest at the moment.

You can call me uninjured.

Pete/GM: Look, uh, there seems to be some
interpersonal drama, which, if y'all were

to talk it out, Might lead to some kind
of interesting character arc, or whatever.

But, I think we just gotta
get the hell out of here.

And, if that guy is able to hold
a key and walk at the same time,

I don't see a problem with it.

You just, why don't you keep an eye
out for, uh, you know, those scary

dogs, or the birds with the black eyes.

Chris/Vin: Fine.


We'll let the stubborn guy, who has
no memories of who he is, go first.

Makes zero strategic sense.

Archedas/Varren: Oh, so
now we're talking strategy.


Chris/Vin: Have

Archedas/Varren: we

Chris/Vin: not been talking
strategy since we've been here?

Aubrey/Freya: We did have a
strategy going into that fight.

It did

Chris/Vin: not survive.

Aubrey/Freya: What?

Chris/Vin: Baron, did you
get hit on the head too hard?

Like, for the most part, we've
been trying to work together

since we entered this damn place.

Misfit/Mia: I'm assuming
we're walking and talking.

Chris/Vin: I

Aubrey/Freya: assume so, too.

Misfit/Mia: Okay.

Archedas/Varren: Yeah, Varan
would not have stopped.

Like, he would have just started walking
and following where this key was leading.

Pete/GM: Yeah, as you are
walking, it is taking you deeper

and deeper into some woods.

The trees look like autumn,
where none of them have leaves.

And they're all kind of just this
mix of Different shades of gray.

50 of them.

You could say



Okay, I'll move

Archedas/Varren: No, leave it in.

Chris, I need you to put the,
the rim shot, but um, in there,

Chris/Vin: maybe it's the
title of the episode, right.

Pete/GM: Anyway, as you continue walking,
the key starts to glow brighter and

brighter, and starts to emit a hump.

It's finally that you seem
to reach something that is

different than the forest around.

Another set of seven arches.


Archedas/Varren: gonna
look them over a moment.

Freya, these are elven, aren't they?

Aubrey/Freya: They look
like the elven arches.

Pete/GM: They look indistinguishable
from the ones in Galarian, except for

maybe having less wear and tear, moss.

Things growing on it, et cetera.

They look very clean.

Archedas/Varren: This is strange.

Aubrey/Freya: It's like the ones
back in Valerian, but cleaner.

Archedas/Varren: They're
precise duplicates.

Exact same positioning and angles.

Like, as far as I can tell.

Didn't, don't have drawings or
anything on me, but yeah, I mean.

The first world's a duplication of
Galarian beyond mortal interference.

Pete/GM: Well, no, you are a
duplication of our world, I'll have you

Archedas/Varren: be reminded.

More of the other way, yeah.

Misfit/Mia: It's a nudity day.

Archedas/Varren: These
were constructed by elves.

Elves are not fey.

How can they be here?

Pete/GM: I don't know, I was there for it.

Archedas/Varren: This is a
chicken and egg situation.

We have a cat attack.

Very interested in joining the game.

Misfit/Mia: I'm sorry.

Aubrey/Freya: I'm sorry.

Chris/Vin: I've lost the last
15 seconds of plot, I apologize.

Aubrey/Freya: Come on, come on boy.

Mia just starts

Misfit/Mia: like, fussing
around in the pack like,

Chris/Vin: Let

Misfit/Mia: me out, let me out,
let me out, let me out, let me out.

Chris/Vin: Can the key open
one of these things to leave?

I mean, it's worth a shot.


Aubrey/Freya: should

Chris/Vin: be open

Archedas/Varren: to them somehow, yes.

I suppose, I'm just not certain which one.

Just kind of go to the middle of them
and see which one it directs us to.

Pete/GM: You can see that the
key is swaying towards the

furthest one to the right.

The seventh.

Archedas/Varren: Hmm.


We traveled here from the arches.

The seven arches.

It would have been easier to figure
this out if we were going home or not.

Chris/Vin: We also have to think
of Freya, even if we open a portal.

Archedas/Varren: Yeah, can you

Chris/Vin: go through that?

Archedas/Varren: Well, simple enough.

You It's tied to the key, I
believe, is from what Bolin was

saying, not the arch itself.


Chris/Vin: the whole thing is
you can't touch the arch as well?

Archedas/Varren: Well,
we did that, though.

She touched the one in it.

I touched the fake one.

She touched the

Chris/Vin: fake one, not the real one.

I'll just be very careful
when I walk through it.

Archedas/Varren: Don't touch the gate.

The portal itself is a construct
of magic and dimensional energy,

so it should be simple enough to
make our way through, I suppose.

Misfit/Mia: Mia touches something.

She just goes on something.

No idea what it is.

Archedas/Varren: Okay,
Mia, don't touch Freya now.

Maybe carry a status.

Aubrey/Freya: Mia, unfortunately,
we're going to have to

quarantine you for 14 days.

Archedas/Varren: She can't say the word.

Chris/Vin: Is there a keyhole or
anything that could be a keyhole on

any of the gates for that matter?

Particularly in the one
that we're looking at.

Pete/GM: Yeah, it doesn't appear so.

Archedas/Varren: Check around, see
if there's any markings on any of

these that are similar to these
kind of gestures to his neck.

If not, I suppose we could just try
touching the key to the gateway.

Not a bad idea.

I'd just rather make sure that we're
not going through the wrong portal.

Chris/Vin: You know how some
gear you have to invest in?

Is the key one of them?

Pete/GM: You're not sure.

You don't know enough about this game.

Chris/Vin: Will you
let me inspect the key?

I know a little bit about the occult.

Archedas/Varren: We can
work on it together.

Consider it team building.

Chris/Vin: Can't tell.

Turned to the hedgehog.

Can't tell if he's mocking me or he's
being Serious, but I'm going to take

the chance that he's being serious.

Pete/GM: Oh no, he's mocking you.

That guy hates your friggin guts.

Can you really handle that?

Chris/Vin: You know, I try to, to
put a lending hand, I try to help

out, and it just gets shot away.

What's a monkey gonna do?

Misfit/Mia: Mia tries to lick the key.

She's, like, standing on her
hind legs, like, Eh, eh, eh, eh.

Archedas/Varren: Just
kind of move it away.

Aubrey/Freya: I'm keeping five feet back.

Archedas/Varren: Doesn't even have to
move it that far, still partially blind.

Just kind of, no.

Misfit/Mia: She just sees,
like, vague, shadowy outlines.

Like, nothing is clear.

She knows not what anything is.

Archedas/Varren: It's
better we just try this.

I mean, let's take a brief
look at this for a moment.

See what we can figure out.

If it ends up being nothing, touch the
key to the gate and hope for the best.

Learn by doing.

Pete/GM: Okay, so you're
touching the key to the gate?

Archedas/Varren: Letting, um, I'm
gonna try to aid Vin in an occultism

check to look this thing over quick.

Chris/Vin: I, I rolled blindly,
or whatever the word is, so.


Archedas/Varren: uh.

I'll try to aid this.

It's a plus four, so I need a
sixteen or higher to actually help.


That's a fail.

Pete/GM: Fail, but not a critical fail.

Archedas/Varren: Yep.

I don't help, but I don't hurt.

Pete/GM: Progress.

You're looking at the key, or at least
as much as Baron will let you hold.

You don't think you have
to invest in this key.

This isn't that kind of, of item.

It seems to have a very dedicated
purpose, and at this point, As close as

you all are to that arch is no longer
even swaying, it is essentially almost

pulling towards the seventh arch.

Chris/Vin: There's almost
like an attraction field here.

If you let go, it's probably
going to do its own thing.

Not saying you should let
go, but understand that.

That could be a risk.


Archedas/Varren: don't want
to leave this behind if it

happens to attach to the gate.

I'd rather have it in hand
and pull it through with us.

Chris/Vin: I don't know if we
have a choice, to be honest.

Archedas/Varren: Best we can do is try.

Chris/Vin: All right, well,
touch the keys to the gate.

See if you can keep a hold of it.

Archedas/Varren: I'm just gonna walk
up to it, set it onto the side, like,

in the palm of his hand, grab the
side of the gate, press it to between.


Pete/GM: as soon as you touch the
key to the gate, a shimmering jade

green veil forms in the opening of it.

You can't see, though,
what's on the other side.

It just simply glows.

Oh, there we go, that's progress.

Archedas/Varren: I have to give it to
Kniepo, at least you can see through his.

Misfit/Mia: I don't think we
should praise him, like, at all.

Hey, thanks, bud.

Archedas/Varren: No, he was
awful, but gallows humor.

Misfit/Mia: She just like, whispers
over to Freya, like, it's a

Aubrey/Freya: g I'll tell
you when you're older.

Pete/GM: Well, wherever that goes,
it's gotta be better than here.

Chris/Vin: Why

Pete/GM: don't So, uh, have
you taken the first step?

Chris/Vin: Varian, if you're holding
the key, I'll go first, and I'll

come back when I see what I see.

Assuming I can.

Archedas/Varren: If you're able to,
if not, we'll, I think it's possibly

best we all go together as one.

How, how wide's this gate?

Like, is it doorway size, or
like, we can go in all at once?

Pete/GM: Yeah, you, you all can go,
and it's Fairly big, allowing an

entire group of people to go through.

Misfit/Mia: Can we practice
our heroic stances first?

You know, like, strike a pose.

Archedas/Varren: I think we
need to practice our dressing

of wounds and finding a shelter.

Misfit/Mia: Working on it.

We can only do so much trapped in this
stupid shadow realm, whatever the case

Archedas/Varren: is.

Well, that's why we're trying to leave.

We don't know what's on the other side.

All together at once.

That way no one gets picked off
and carried away if there's some

weird time component to this portal.

At least I'd hope so.

Misfit/Mia: Okay.

Or we do and we all die and, you know, in
that case, it was nice knowing everyone.

It's been really great.

Archedas/Varren: I mean, honestly, getting
ripped apart by dimensional energy as

we travel through some unknown place
sounds a lot more pleasant of a way to

die than having your shadow ripped apart.

Piece by piece, tortured
by an insane madman.

Misfit/Mia: I really appreciate
y'all not letting me.

Mia just, like, prepares to step
through the gate with everybody else.

Chris/Vin: I feel like I'm not
prepared to die, so I I will remain

the face of optimism for the second
part of that moment, and say,

we're gonna get through this, okay?

No shadows riffing, no scary
thing on the other side.

I'm sure it'll be fine.

All right, I'll go.

You guys follow right behind me.

Misfit/Mia: Yeah!

Chris/Vin: Okay.

Archedas/Varren: Make sure he's, like,
the, just the, the, like, quarter of a

second delay last person to make sure
that everyone's through the gate before

he takes the key off as he goes through.

Misfit/Mia: You know, in hindsight, we
should have sent the hedgehog first.

Archedas/Varren: Drop him
off Vin's shoulder and pump.

Pete/GM: The thing that you see as Vin
approaches is that as soon as his body

touches the veil, he doesn't go through.

Rather, he, it looks
like he just vanishes.


His body glows a sudden
green, and then is just gone.


Archedas/Varren: he's either
dead or at the destination.

Let's go.

Pete/GM: And he goes through.

Cubit says, you don't
have to tell me twice!

And kind of cannonballs into it.

Archedas/Varren: We'll follow.

Pete/GM: Yup.

Archedas/Varren: At least
he's eager to step through.

Pete/GM: As you appear on the other side,
humid air slaps you like a hot towel.

All around is a verdant jungle.

Nothing like either the shadowy thin
lands or the temperate wildwood.

The trees are huge sprawling affairs
and the air shivers with chittering

insects and hooting beasts.

Looking back, you see the
portal blink out, leaving only

a stone archway in its place.

Yet instead of the now familiar
seven arches, the one behind

you stands alone on a plinth.

Its shape is different.

Its stone is cracked and
worn The arches feet.

Lies the ruins of some
buildings long since collapsed.

Large grey blocks and obelisks
carved with strange symbols

and wrapped in strangling vine.

So, uh, is this where y'all came from?

Archedas/Varren: Absolutely not.

Am I

Misfit/Mia: poofy?

Mia just like, tries to
chase her sail, but can't.

She's just her poof ball now.

Aubrey/Freya: Unwrap the scarf.

Wipe the sweat off my face.

Archedas/Varren: Varan just
takes two fingers and kind

of runs them along his head.

Finds a couple of beads of sweat and
just kind of looks at them oddly a

moment before wiping them on his coat
and Just sort of not bothering to take

off the extremely warm looking cold
weather clothing that he's wearing You're

Chris/Vin: trying

Aubrey/Freya: to dehydrate man
Look, that's a barren problem.

I don't know what it is.

Archedas/Varren: I still feel cold.

I'm sweating, but I feel cold Maybe
i'm getting a flu or something.

I'm not sure

Chris/Vin: Were you able
to hold on to the key?

Archedas/Varren: I've just got to
look at my hand and see if it's there.

Pete/GM: It is.

Though, it has stopped glowing
and is now swaying freely.

Archedas/Varren: Well, whatever
it is, I don't think we're going

to be able to do that again.

Not that I want to go back there.

Misfit/Mia: Oh, I certainly
don't want to go back.

Mm mm.

Zero out of ten.

Chris/Vin: Like, they do
have the gogo marketplace.

Triple bag that thing and keep it safe.

Archedas/Varren: You just kind of, you
see him adjust in his pocket a moment

and just kind of suck it into his coat.

Shift his hand, it goes a bit deeper.

Shift his hand again, it goes
further down to where he's past

the elbow deep into his jacket.

Just kind of shifts it out.

Alright, that shouldn't
be going anywhere now.

Chris/Vin: I'm starting to think
maybe the, the bird is not the

most magical thing about you.

It might be the coat.

Archedas/Varren: With just deep pockets.

I had them layered so that they can
separate objects when they're missing.

Chris/Vin: Did you?

Did you have this coat before
or after the missing moment?

Archedas/Varren: This one I
had taken out after I got it.

This was an after thing.


I had a lot to carry.

Did you?

Backpacks are troublesome.


Aubrey/Freya: a backpack?


Archedas/Varren: Do you want to have a
bag the size of your chest hanging off

your back while you're trying to fight?

It's not comfortable.

Chris/Vin: Meanwhile, Vin has
his camping backpack, right?

With his camping gear around his back.

Archedas/Varren: Oh, you just, just kind
of reaches in and shifts a hand around.

You see a bump in the coat just kind of
shift and he pulls out the full bedroll.

Like it, it works perfectly fine.

Aubrey/Freya: Shoves it back in.

Some sort of coat of holding.

Archedas/Varren: Nothing magic
about it, just a fantastic tailor.


Aubrey/Freya: should really see
if I can get pockets of holding.


Chris/Vin: you have many pockets at all?

You've explained this jacket to me
and I still have more questions.

Aubrey/Freya: I have

Chris/Vin: pockets.

Like, do you have any snack pouches?

Where do you keep your water skin?

Archedas/Varren: Just kind
of shifts and opens it up.

Rations are in that one.

Water skin's attached through there.

And just kind of pulls out a
little straw that's near the

top and just kind of Back in.

Pete/GM: Now that is clever design.

Chris/Vin: Is this where you're from?


Yeah, Hubert's, that what it was.

Hubert, are you from here?


Archedas/Varren: He said he was a fave,
that means he's back from where we

were, just not necessarily that area.

Chris/Vin: Let's see if we can
get a vantage point somewhere.

Maybe someone will recognize something.

Archedas/Varren: See if we can't
figure out at least something,

uh, just kinda looks around.

Not exactly a survivalist sort,
but I suppose I could look into the

plant life and whatnot that's around
here, see if we can I know a few

things of a field survival guide and
might at least lead us something.

Pete/GM: Okay, you can
give me a nature roll.

Varen, you have been around the
Inner Sea region enough to have

collected a pretty good knowledge
of common and even some uncommon.


That you see here.

And I mean, no plants seem
to be something that you have

seen anywhere in the Inner Sea.

As you continue to look around,
you start to also see some fauna.

They are odd looking.

There is lemurs with
mosquito nosed purple faces.

You see birds, which aren't feathered,
but rather scaly, with insect like eyes.

You see birds, which aren't feathered,
but rather scaly, with insect like eyes.

The trees are big, and their
leaves are even bigger.

Bigger than any leaves that
you think you have ever seen.

The thing that you do notice about
it is that the leaves are the same

shape as the key that you have.


Archedas/Varren: think we have a
slight issue, too, particularly.

Aubrey/Freya: We have several
slight issues, but sure, yeah,

let's add it to the pile.

Archedas/Varren: Well, slighted that
there's nothing we can do about them.

Aubrey/Freya: Yet again, continue
adding to the pile of things

we can't do anything about.

Archedas/Varren: One, whoever made
this key is from where we are now.

Just kind of gesture at the
shapes on it and up at the trees.

These are the same.

This key doesn't originate
from our area of Seven Arches.

It's from here.

Secondly, I have read quite
Mwangi expanses and various

jungles over in Tianxia.

I've spoken with members from Catapesh
and finding the odd outs there.

None of this is anything I have
seen or read about, at all.

We're either in some
unknown portion of Valyrian.

There's a distinct possibility that this
might not even be the material plane.

It could be some alternate jump from
the First World to something else.

Or somewhere else entirely.

I'm not certain.

All I know is, I don't think we're
remotely even close to getting home.

I can't say where we are, but
something isn't right about this place.

The heat alone doesn't feel natural.

It feels different, heavier.


Just kind of picks up
his feet and steps a bit.

Even walking feels a bit different.

Aubrey/Freya: Yeah, well
at least we can breathe.

Archedas/Varren: That's
true, as heavy as the air is.


Aubrey/Freya: Freya's like, during this
whole thing has been like, stripping off

some of the heavier layers of her clothes.

Sort of, uh, you know, getting down
to some, you know, basic stuff.

Chris/Vin: So, you're saying
that the heat feels heavier?

Was that, was that your
word choice, Farron?

Archedas/Varren: Yes, it, I've been a
few places that it feels oppressive.

I've been towards Absalom, towards
the, the center of the world.

It's, it's warm.

I've been towards Catapesh.

A literal desert.

This is wet.

Chris/Vin: How is, uh, monkey
hair, fire hair, handling it?

Pete/GM: It is very humid here.

But the air is very rich as well.

There is something about simply
breathing right now That.

Makes you feel a little stronger, meaning
to say that you all have a plus one

circumstance bonus to fortitude saves.


Archedas/Varren: interesting.

Pete/GM: Gonna

Chris/Vin: die.

Let's, let's see if we can get a view.

Uh, I'm gonna climb a tree or something.

Or, look for a path or something.

And, uh, see if we can get
an idea of where we're at.

Pete/GM: You climb up a tree.

I'm not even gonna make you roll
for it, cause you're a monkey,

you know how to do these things.

You're a monkey.


You get high enough, and from your
vantage point, you see a rolling

green sea stretching westward.

Two points of interest
immediately catch your eye.

One is a jagged mountain range thrusting
towards the sky like teeth, gray walls

steep and foreboding, many miles away.

The outlines of pyramidal
structures can be seen on one

of the range's lower slopes.

Second, a pair of brilliant purple robes.

Connect the nearby hill to the
pyramid in the distant mountains.

Like lines drawn in the air to
guide your eye, tiny dots, vessels

of some sort, travel back and forth
along these blazing magical lines,

forming a steady circuit hundreds of
feet above the jungle canopy below.

Chris/Vin: Yelling down, uh, guys, I see
something, um, there are some structures,

there West of us, and there's weird
rope things like above the tree line.

Aubrey/Freya: Like rope bridges?

Chris/Vin: I don't, I don't know.

There's like, it's like rope that
connects to, they're like pier,

pier, I, it's, it's hard, I don't,
I don't really know what it is.

Archedas/Varren: Like a
cart being lifted on a rope?

Chris/Vin: I, I don't see a cart.

Aubrey/Freya: Like a structure,
like a home of some kind?


Chris/Vin: some

Aubrey/Freya: A big box?

Chris/Vin: Maybe?

They're very small, I don't
have that good It's like

Aubrey/Freya: You said
they're to the west.

Chris/Vin: Yeah.

Aubrey/Freya: How far?

Chris/Vin: How, uh, I don't know.

Uh, can I squint?

Pete/GM: Uh, sure.

Chris/Vin: Please roll to squint.

How much more detail can I get if
I try to get more about these dots?


Archedas/Varren: your hands
up and binocular your eyes.

Chris/Vin: I don't see much.

I see about a 2 plus 4 for a

Pete/GM: 6

Chris/Vin: worth.

Pete/GM: You can tell that,
at the very least, the city is

very far, and the hill where the
light beams touch is much closer.

Chris/Vin: Um, no matter
where we go, it's, it's gonna

be a little bit of a walk.

Um, These, these, this purple
rope thing is pretty close, but

the structures are pretty far.

I don't really have a Good
depth perception enough to

really get a distance feel.

Aubrey/Freya: We want to head
to the purple rope thing first.

Are they in different directions, or
are they both in the same direction?

Pete/GM: They're both relatively
in the same direction.

I mean, if you walked past the area
where the ropes end, uh, you would keep

going until eventually you hit the city.

But it's not too far off, severe, to
get to the hill where the ropes end.

Chris/Vin: And I'll
jump down at this point.

We also could consider getting some rest.

Might not be the worst idea.

Aubrey/Freya: Might not be, uh, we
should find, shouldn't do it out

in the open, a cave or something
that we can seek shelter in.

Chris/Vin: Well this is a new place,
I don't know if it plays by any of the

same rules that we're familiar with.

That's fair.

Archedas/Varren: Well, our safe bet is
civilization, but I suppose we could

start heading that way and then see if
we can find somewhere to rest on the way.

Chris/Vin: I'm just worried it's
going to take us days to get there.

I don't know how dense this jungle
is, I don't know how fast we can go.

Aubrey/Freya: Yeah, there
is some worry in that.

Chris/Vin: There are hills, we'll have
slopes, and I don't know what we'll see.


Archedas/Varren: rest when we can,
but I don't think we should exactly

stick around here, it's a fairly open

Aubrey/Freya: space.

We should make, um, make a move forward
in the direction and keep an eye out

for, uh, on our way for a place to
bunker down in the next few hours.


Chris/Vin: let's, let's do that.

If you guys are up for it.

You good, Mia?

Misfit/Mia: Oh yeah.

Mia's just like, catcher with her tongue
out, about to lick something, like, ehh.

Archedas/Varren: New place,
Mia, I wouldn't recommend that.

Misfit/Mia: Well, how am I
supposed to learn about it?

I can't see it.

Archedas/Varren: Ask us to look at it.

Studying it.

Misfit/Mia: She's kind of like, tails
down, ears down, just walks so sad, like.

Chris/Vin: Mia's not
gonna have an epic death.

Mia's gonna touch something poisonous and

Misfit/Mia: And she's
gonna poison us and die.

Archedas/Varren: What's this apple?

Licks a poisoned tree frog.

RIP Mia.

Weird bright fruit.


Misfit/Mia: weird shadow fruit.

You can now, like, see her
cataracts, like, the, just the milky

white haze that's over her eyes.

Archedas/Varren: Now perhaps we'll get
that taken care of a little bit when we

actually manage to sit down for some time.


Misfit/Mia: mean, if we gotta, if there's
a town, I, I, I've been traveling and

trying to find someone to fix my eyes.

Is there someone there that could do that?

Archedas/Varren: Before we get going,
you're just gonna set a hand down to a

side and pull up two little glass vials.

I've only got these two left.

If anyone goes back down.

I don't know if any of you have any
left, but resources may be a bit thin.

Misfit/Mia: You should
probably give Yeah, I don't I

Archedas/Varren: don't have any left.

I spent my last two during these fights.

Gonna hold one out to Freya.

Better they be across two people than one.

Aubrey/Freya: That's fair.

Chris/Vin: I got drugs.

Aubrey/Freya: I also have
drugs, I still have flaily.

Chris/Vin: I have an ant, too.

That's just a minor healing.

Pete/GM: Our group Heads off,
traveling through unknown

territory in a strange land.

Where have they ended up
and where are they going to?

We'll find out next time on Ashen Snow.